Thursday, 13 June 2019

Thoughts on a Page

Sometimes I just want to sit and write. Not really having any idea what's going to end up on the page, but that's the beauty of it. Just writing straight from the mind, grammatical errors included.

"Life is funny really isn’t it. Like a twisted, cruel joke played out completely different from the movies we’ve seen. We’re just brought into this world and expected to do certain things in order to live. And if we don’t abide by the rules then we perish. When we are young we can’t wait to grow up. The thought of moving out and having our own space, our own family, being able to eat breakfast for tea and tea for breakfast, appeals to us somehow. We see the movies and want the kisses in the rain, the seemingly endless holidays and driving fast cars. We want it all, everything that we don’t have we tend to want more. As children we play games, using our imagination to create scenarios in our head that would fill that blank void that later becomes adulthood. We play house and dress up and the adults all say we look adorable and that we have so much potential for when we hit our twenties. We can’t wait to grow up, into a life that has been filled with lies and deception. Not really knowing what we’re growing up into. Then before we know it we’re hit with crippling debt, barely being able to afford rent. We eat packets of noodles because its the only thing we can afford to eat that week. We find ourselves living pay check to pay check and hardly scraping by at that. The ideologies we had as children are all gone as we live our life according to the those higher up. Gone are our dreams of having big houses and loads of dogs. We house share, barely being able to keep a cactus alive in the living room. We move back in with our parents because our landlords decided to increase the rent. Our credit cards are all maxed out. We watch our friends get married and wish we had someone to watch Netflix with. Our health declines because the only time we meet up with our friends and socialise we get shit faced hoping our problems won’t be there in the morning. But they always are. Our mental health is a shambles as we try to reminisce about the good times we had as children before we realised what being an adult was, before life became too demanding. We get asked why we are not settling down with anyone, why we haven’t bought a house yet, why we’re so far behind all of our friends, why we’re so far behind our parents at our age. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is the way it should be. We want to give up, being told we’re failures by older generations. Seeing people our age doing so well while we’re so far behind. They tell you it’s not a race, that everyone goes through life differently, but it is a race. If we don’t run they tell you that you lose the game. If you don’t move forward they tell you it’s all your fault. They congratulate those who are moving and punish those who fall behind. All the motivational speakers tell you encouraging words but will bitch about you behind your back. Everything we ever believed in is a lie. The veil has come away and adulthood smacks you in the face. Hard. You can’t love someone without someone else telling you not to. You can’t travel without someone moaning that you need to settle down. You can’t change your body because it’s not their idea of perfect. You can’t breathe anymore. The world is coming in closer and closer until you are suffocating on injustice and hatred. All the colours in the world disappear. The grass is not greener, the sky isn’t blue, the sea is full of plastic and it’s all your fault. Everything is your fault because you dared to break the rules and go your own way. You risked going down the other path at the crossroads. You didn’t read the signs and ended up getting lost. You stumbled on the truth, the control centre for all the robots around you. They don’t like you now that you’ve found out the world is grey. You dare to stand up for yourself and they kick you down. Your skin colour isn’t good enough, your hair isn’t right, you get judged for what clothes you wear and who you talk to. But still, there’s a part of you deep down that believes in the dreams of your childhood ghost. You might be a bit unconventional in your life choices but it’s not their life that you have to live with. It’s yours. It’s your life and you can choose to make pit stops along the way. You don’t have to have it all figured out because truth be told no one has their life figured out. Everyone always wants more than what they have. We’re all programmed to want what we don’t have and they’re jealous of you. You’re not rushing your life. You’ve slowed down to appreciate the flowers before they’re gone. They never got that chance. They couldn’t paint the pictures in your dreams. They ran, and they fell, and they want to punish those who don’t run."

If you made it to the end, thank you. 


No comments

Post a Comment

Feel free to leave a comment. If there's anything you'd like to ask me then don't hesitate in emailing me at or on twitter: @catdicko

© Cat Dickinson | All rights reserved.
you must go on adventures to find out where you truly belong